The pulse of Lent will pick up as we enter Holy Week. It will remind us of the intensity we felt during the first week. In between I had somewhat fallen off the pace once I got used to the fasting and abstinence. Time carried me through Lent. Did I stop time to reflect? Did I pause it to go deeper into my spiritual self? Amidst all the noise, did I hear the cock crow?
I do wish for an easier path in life. It is easy to navigate life if every day is a good day to get to heaven at the end of it. I firmly believe in God but belief alone will not get me there. Events in life will always conspire to take me off course. The people in my life have a greater influence that I care to acknowledge. Such is the nature of my earthly life, my worldly journey. It is not merely about belief but how I choose to respond.
I read the Passion of Christ with a very simple mind. I try to situate myself in the events of Holy Week to remind my spiritual self what it all means. But the length of today’s Gospel is already a big distraction. And then there is the Easter Triduum ahead demanding my time and attention. I just want to get through this week. Then deep in me I hear a cock crow; my worldly self is denying my spiritual self.
I have assumed that I am one self. If I continue to allow time to carry me through life I will never realize how separate my two selves are. When our worldly life is smooth, often our worldly self dominates our spiritual self. This week the cock crows to say that it should be the other way around.
I am not a bible scholar. I am just one from the pews. I have had my fair share of triumphant, happy days. But when those days came my worldly-self galloped away. Until something happen to take away my happiness. Only when I am in despair will I start to look for my spiritual self. Often it will take me a long time to find it. I find my spiritual self far behind, riding a donkey. The cock crows to say that our response in life must always be rooted in humility.
Today I live in a world full of righteous opinions. I have dished out my fair share. I want to be heard more than I want to listen, I want to be understood more than I want to understand. So much so that relationships are broken, happiness disappear, wars start. In front of Pilate, Jesus stood silent. This is the loudest silence I have ever heard.
So how do I unite my two selves? My worldly-self need to be enlightened so that it could accept that the best vocation in life is to wash other people’s feet. Unity is found when we eventually become a humble servant. ‘Eventually’ because there is a life for all of us to live in this world. There are daily challenges that must be met. We all must go through the journey of life with lessons learnt and lessons applied. The cock will crow when our worldly-self wander too far away from our spiritual-self.
The week ends with Holy Saturday. Time seem to stand still. Whenever we are in deep despair in our worldly life we must wait patiently in hope and faith. Unlike Peter, we have the benefit of hindsight.