Ever had a disagreement that led to a parting of ways? All of us had. It could have been in friendships, employment and commonly too in church ministries and communities. Did one party wither and die? Commonly, no. Both would have gone on to experience some form of a newness of life. Looking back we understood why we parted.

To ‘understand’ why we parted instead of merely ‘cliché-ing’ it ‘a blessing in disguise’ is to enter into the experience of God’s presence in our life. “We need not be afraid in God’s presence” (Today’s second reading inspires me). We are sometimes asked to leave our comfort zones for the sake of the mission, and in this presence of God, we will never ever be short changed. But we struggle to trust him so we won’t let go.

Few of us would volunteer to be pruned. The disciples had to be persecuted to be scattered. Disagreements causes divide and scatter us. The presence of God does not cause persecution or disagreements; these are caused by our human weakness to guard our comfort zones.

But the love of God understands our weaknesses because “we cannot be condemned by our own conscience” as long as our life is motivated to continue to remain as part of the vine, “whoever remains in me, with me in him bears fruit in plenty”. In other words, we are sometimes forcibly pruned by our own weaknesses but the love of God will ensure that pruning is painfully good!

We can remain in him, with him in me “when we keep his commandment to love one another”. The source of food and growth that will bear fruit for this spiritual vine in this love for one another. We are the branches that must allow this source of life to flow through us. The moment this flow stops we wither, die and fall of the vine. Conversely, when we are rich in this love, we must be pruned to allow for this source of life to get into new areas of mission.

This mission of human life is to spread this love of God. It is like a vine with many branches. It is spread through who we are to one another, a branch creeping generously in all directions to allow for this love to flow through to give new life and new hope in new areas. To go in all directions, we must be pruned.

We come into a comfort zone when we enjoy the fruits of love. Being comfortable can cause us to lose sight of the mission. There will always be a temptation to love ourselves more than to love the mission of life. There will always be a temptation to ‘keep’ this love for ourselves and thus alter the mission. Love cannot be kept, it must flow. A branch cannot grow unless it is pruned.

Pruning is painful but it becomes painfully good when we look back to understand the path our life took to spread the mission. Love is itself painfully good because the fundamental action of love is to give. Giving is pruning.

“Love is not to be just words or mere talk, but something real and active; only by this can we be certain that we are children of the truth and be able to quieten our conscience in his presence”

Fruit of the Vine. Work of human hands. (Grapes from a vineyard in Khao Yai, Thailand)

5th Sunday of Easter

Growing up as a cradle Catholic, I never thought more about just being a sheep following the strict rules and elaborate rituals of the Church. Maybe it was because my first memory were of priests garmented in black, and at mass they had their backs toward us. Also life then was a lot more ‘simple’. Being a sheep was quite alright.

This is the perfect flock. Blind obedience; every sheep following one shepherd. The problem for me was that I did not remain blind. I think most people don’t. As I grew from being a child into a youth and transforming into an adult, my eyes opened, self-awareness matured. With that I began to see every distraction around a sheep that can lead us astray. Following that voice of that shepherd becomes tougher as an adult.

It is quite convenient to blame this modern cyberspace world for every challenge to our faith life. Life was more ‘simple’ for me when I was growing. It was because I saw it through the eyes of a child; I was merely a lamb with no responsibilities. Our parents at that time had to navigate through poverty to provide for food, shelter and education without the amenities and conveniences we enjoy today. Faith life then would have been a challenge too.

We are tempted to remain blind to the challenges of our faith life while we open our eyes and embrace the challenges of the secular world. That grass always seem greener to pasture on. It is common to see many people rejecting the Church; sheep leaving the flock to try to fulfil their responsibilities elsewhere in a different belief system, to follow a “hired man” and not the shepherd. But we know, because we probably experienced it, that we will become the lost sheep.

There is no shame to becoming a lost sheep. It was because of an imperfect flock that the good shepherd came to lay down his life for his sheep. We always wander away from the flock not because we are sinners but because we are humans seeking opportunities to best fulfil our earthly responsibilities. It is natural. And the good shepherd knows this.

Experiences of being lost are invaluable in faith because it matures us. It transforms us from blind lambs into wise sheep. It tells us there is only one pasture, one shepherd. The meaning in life is found in how we fulfil our responsibilities. Responsibilities grow us. And we have responsibilities in our faith life.

We are called to be the voice of the shepherd. The good shepherd does not want us to remain blind. Our everyday actions are this voice that people around us will ‘hear’. We have to use our actions to lead others back into the flock or at least to remain in it. It is our responsibility to show them not to reject this pasture. Because of this, we are both sheep and shepherd.

“This is the stone rejected by you the builders that has proved to be the keystone”.

4th Sunday of Easter

Do we feel that God is angry with us? For things we have done, and perhaps more perplexing for things we have not done? When our life spins into turmoil or when our toilet bowl does not flush, do we see it as God punishing us?

Do we feel that it is tough to remain Catholic because we always need to forgive others? Is God angry when we cannot forgive? When the toilet roll run out at that critical moment, is it because God is very angry with me?

Little details does confuse us about God. The Easter season is a good time to look for God in the little details of our life. Scripture cannot be completely understood if we do not experience it in our daily life. ‘Experience’ is key and we must search for it. Actually, all of us already have it in the pages of our life story. But these need to come alive.

Our lifetime is like a long road, unfortunately short for some. Our life story is what happened on this road. There would be pages of bad episodes, it happens with every person on the road. But there are also many good chapters which we sometimes forget to remain grateful for. Like the disciples today we must re-tell our story especially to ourselves. We all came through a lot of brokenness to reach where we are today. It would not have been possible if Peace did not come into those chapters.

During the Easter season, it is good to perhaps reflect on which side of the resurrection do ‘I’ travel my road? A lot of what we understand from scripture changed with the event of the resurrection. Have I allowed the resurrection to change my image of God? Am I stuck in the Old Testament without the New? Am I risen or unrisen? Is God full of wrath or is he love? Does he punish and not forgive?

Post resurrection has gifted us God in a new form to help us in our human form. He comes into our life with these words, “Peace be with you!” and dispels any notion that God is distant, authoritative and is somewhere in the universe. Actually he is present in the universe of our personal life. He travels our road right beside us.

We must chase after an encounter with the Risen Christ. This experience is found in the pages of our life-story, especially those chapters of bad episodes. We must look into the little details there to see who it was who led us out of those? Sometimes he is hard to spot because he comes in a guise of a person we encountered or in a ‘lucky’ turn of event. He is there because he is never angry and always forgives. He is love. Otherwise why is he “the sacrifice that takes away our sin”?

God cannot always be angry and punishing when forgiveness originates from him. It doesn’t make sense. We must witness this along the road we travel. Yes, it is beyond our human ability to forgive a wrong in an instance. That is why it is so tough to be Catholic. Making a choice to forgive does not immediately solve our issues; often it make the situation even harder when we beat ourselves because we cannot. But a choice made, however weak, is an opening, however small, to allow the Risen Christ to enter our hearts to impose Peace upon us.

He is risen to help the unrisen. He is love to bring peace into the wrath of life. Along the road we have travelled we find him in the little, insignificant details of our life. In those chapters of brokenness and struggle, do we not feel our hearts burn within us?

“Do we feel that it is tough to remain Catholic because we always need to forgive others? Is God angry when we cannot forgive? When the toilet roll run out at that critical moment, is it because God is very angry with me?”

3rd Sunday of Easter

We are split between the ways of the world and the ways of Christ. Our life journey is a constant tug-of-war between the two. Worldly life is demanding; it requires us to win all the time. Spiritual life is demanding; it wants us to always give. We do our best to reconcile both ways but often end up falling in between two stools.

They both promise a heaven of happiness. The worldly version more tempting as it is more immediate and clearly visible. The other is sometimes a path through pain and suffering, easily leaving us too doubtful. In reality our worldly ideals have let us down all too often when we fall short in winning. Disappointment after disappointment, failure after failure leave us disillusioned, and doubtful. Life oscillates between two doubts.

The seed of faith takes root in a world of doubt. Thomas had a doubt. He did not believe that the Risen Christ appeared. We share the same doubt. We harbor it every day. We do not have enough belief that the Risen Christ is present in our daily living to let go and trust him completely. With this doubt, we turn away to embrace the ways of the world … until those ways lead us into a dead end. Straddled by two doubts, we are lost.

‘I’ have been here before, disillusioned by the world. I have left my life in faith too far behind to simply return to it. I cannot make sense of the regularity in which the world continue to let me down. Beaten and desolate I try to find peace. I am lost. Once again I begin my journey through doubts.

This is a familiar rhythm of life; the falling and the rising, the straying and the returning. ‘I’ must fall and stray to the extreme before desperation awaken my spiritual sense. I find myself alone with my issues fearing the worse. I am tired and have lost all hope. I sit in the darkness of my worldly life. In this sense, I am somewhat like the disciples today locking themselves in a room because of fear.

Then out of that fear the Risen Christ ‘appears’. Events will happen – to an untrained spiritual mind – ‘coincidences’. Strangers appear out of these coincidental happenings. Linked together they slowly cut through the doubts. Darkness brighten into hope. Suddenly, peace descends on us. People around us point to the presence of the Risen Christ. Seeing him in our personal life we proclaimed, “My Lord and my God!”

This is the message of the Easter season. The Risen Christ want us to know that he walks with us on this worldly journey. It is okay to doubt because he understands the weight of the world on our shoulders. It is okay to fall and stray again. As he did for Thomas, he simply reappeared again. And so he will also continue to reappear for us until we are without doubt.

All of us have a story to share. It is our turn now to tell our story, “We have seen the Lord”. The Risen Christ need our stories to make him visible to others, so that they too can see and believe. The second reading says our faith is the victory over this world.

Indeed unworthy as we feel of ourselves, God is present in our daily living. God is in our midst. We can together banish all the doubts.

In the grounds on the Cathedral of the Good Shepherd in Singapore. Landings began a process here last Friday to accompany returning Catholics through their journey of doubts. Prayerfully along the way they will proclaim, “My Lord and my God!”

“You believe because you can see me.
Happy are those who have not seen and yet believe.”

Second Sunday of Easter

Imagine Peter and the other disciples the day after the crucifixion. Defeated, crushed, confused and frightened to the extreme. Their spirit would be running very much on empty. I wonder what it must have been like for them. Did they still harbor any hope? Did hope actually exist then? If there is no God, what is hope based on?

I try to spend my Holy Saturdays in its proper disposition. But unlike Peter, I have the benefit of hindsight. So I go about, more comfortable than I should, doing the things normally scheduled for a Saturday. But hindsight does lead into complacency.

Complacency in faith simply means I am not paying attention to the Risen Christ in my life. The gospel passage of the journey to Emmaus tell us that he is risen and present in every step of our worldly journey. But complacency allow my worldly-self to dominate my spiritual-self. When it happens, the significance of the emptiness of Holy Saturday is hardly awakened in me.

Along the way we will definitely encounter issues. This is the nature of our worldly journey. Complacency in faith point us toward worldly solutions. But soon enough by this same nature happens an event that will drain our spirit. It weighs down on me like a heavy, unmovable stone. I tried everything of this world but none worked. I begin to feel like the disciples. Who will roll away my stone for me?

Major events in life have entombed me leaving me low and desperately empty. Everyone has left leaving two of us; my worldly-self and my spiritual self. My worldly-self is defeated, crushed. In that emptiness, hope spoke to my spiritual-self. There is a benefit of hindsight here; I remember that my Savior lives. Two selves united, we wait for the risen one to roll away the stone.

Always major events become milestones on our journey of faith. Our two-selves walk our worldly journey like the two disciples walked their way to Emmaus. In the emptiness of a major event, stripped of every worldly possibility, my two-selves miraculously heard and saw someone out of the nothingness of worldly life. In conversations with him, I begin to understand that the Risen Christ has been faithfully present in my worldly life.

Our worldly-self often demand proof, doubting in things unseen and more so when gratification is not almost immediate. The resurrection has showed us how to deal with our life when it descends into many ‘Holy Saturdays’; we keep still and wait patiently. He is there. He is never seen but is visible in the effects that he has on our worldly life.

Unexplained ‘coincidences’ that happened out of nothing and were so timely and altered the path of our worldly life are often not seen. Most times they are the smaller details in our personal life. On our journey, our two selves need to talk and listen to the invisible one who can explain about the many events in our worldly life; the many ‘coincidences’. Only then can we become like the disciple Jesus loved, rushing into our inner tombs to understand that the Risen One is always there in the emptiness. “He saw and he believed”.

The reason in the emptiness is to see the Risen Christ.

The ‘Holy Saturday’ stillness and patient wait. Waiting for the Easter Vigil at the Cathedral of the Assumption, Bangkok

Easter Sunday